Sometimes life really sucks. A lot.
For every single person on this earth, there is a way that each of them wants to be loved. Recently there has been a lot of hype about “The 5 Love Languages” and rightfully so.
The 5 Love Languages lays out the 5 specific ways that people receive love.
They are quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. They have a quiz on their site ( http://www.5lovelanguages.com) that you can take to see where your preferences rank. I took the quiz to see if the results matched what I thought they’d be. Here’s what I got:
This was spot on for how I best receive love.
A) Quality Time:
I love when Mychal and I can spend time together relaxing, watching TV, shopping, laughing at social media, or anything else as long as we’re doing it together. You will find me at my happiest when that man is by my side.
Recently the amount of quality time that we’re able to spend together has been drastically reduced thanks to his graduate school activities, my summer classes, my work load increasing for a bit, and the distance apart that we live.
And I have never been quite so miserable.
I currently work from 8AM-8PM (though these hours won’t be lasting much longer), he works from 7:30AM-5:00PM and we both have tons of homework after that. We make time for each other one weeknight out of the week and on the weekends when we can.
Not long before this schedule started, we were seeing each other several times during the week and almost all weekends. So for someone who cherishes quality time the most, this has not been easy to adapt to. Two days without seeing him seems like two weeks. I’m hoping something will give soon on its own and things will change without me having to make them change.
B) Words of Affirmation
I’m a fairly insecure person, I’m a jealous, overprotective girlfriend who will fight any female whose eyes linger too long on a particular male, and I have anxiety that gets in my head and makes me think all the worst things. Through living with all of these characteristics I’ve learned that at least the anxiety can be shut down by any kind of reassurance.
This ridiculous schedule that we are currently living as a couple DOES NOT HELP with any of these insecurities that I have. We both get to work early in the mornings and immediately become occupied with tasks on the job or projects and we wind up not speaking or texting until much later that afternoon/evening.
I think this is sometimes worse than not being able to spend quality time together. I can 100% understand not being able to be together for several days at a time. But understanding it and handling it well are two very different things. If I can talk with Mychal throughout the day, like texts at the very least, I can handle the time apart because I’m still able to connect with him and hear about things going on in his day. This makes me feel better. Being able to know that he’s opening up to me about his day, what he felt in certain situations, when he asks about my day, or anything he wants to know, and then when he tells me that he loves me. Lately our communication has been limited to 8 or 10 texts and a 15-20 minute phone call each 24 hour period. Neither of us are at fault because of this, but it’s difficult to adapt to.
I am in no way saying that the way I am or the ways that I feel are right or normal for everyone, I’m not saying that I’m not a clingy girlfriend, or anything else. Everyone is different and everyone has different needs. If you’re lucky enough to find someone who can love you the way you need to be loved, you’re #blessedAF.
I happen to be #blessedAF, thankfully. I’m relieved that through everything that’s happening with our lives individually, the true connection that we have hasn’t faded a bit. That also offers copious amounts of security and silent reassurance for me.
C) Physical Touch
Also very important to me.
I often irritate Mychal with this. Buuuut… It’s mostly his own fault. He spoiled me to the privilege of his physical touch early on in the relationship and my want/need for it has only grown since.
So to be deprived of not only quality time and communication, but also his touch, is a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e HELL. I haaaaattttteeee it. I miss him like crazy every minute of the day. He’s in the same city, a little over a half hour away from me at all times, but if he isn’t in the same room as me, I’m probably losing my mind.
I’m needy and greedy. No shame in my game.
So when we finally do get to see each other, I try my best to wedge myself into his ribcage to the point of no removal. He’s my boyfriend, sure, but he’s my best friend. I tell him any and everything and he’s my go to for EV-ER-Y-THING. He’s my person. So when we have to be apart, I lose my best friend and the love of my life. That isn’t fun.
D) Acts of Service
“Acts of service” are not things that I crave. I pride myself on being someone who can handle everything on her plate without having to have help.
But when Mychal does something for me, whether I needed/wanted it or not, I don’t usually see it coming and it makes me appreciate his thoughtfulness so much. It also makes me realize that he thinks about me a lot more than I think that he does and it leads to a more enhanced feeling of knowing that I’m truly loved.
On my end, I looooove going out of my way to do things for him. It could be going 20 minutes out of my way to take him breakfast, going to his house to clean his room and leave a surprise, having his dress shoes repaired, getting something dry cleaned, etc. Just doing little things that I know he won’t make time to do because he’s too busy with everyday tasks and obligations. I love it. I love the look on his face when I tell him I’ve done something for him and present him with the final product.
I’ve always truly enjoyed giving. Much more than receiving. At Christmas, I’m always way too excited to spend all my money on Christmas gifts for others just for the chance to get the feeling that giving makes me feel. So, I enjoy doing acts of service over having acts of service done for me, but I never go without greatly appreciating what is done for me.
E) Receiving Gifts
I’m pretty sure I expressed my feelings about this on the Acts of Service section. Haha 😛
Honestly, I just really needed to vent about how I’ve been feeling lately regarding the distance that’s been placed between Mychal and I.
I feel better now… Thanks for listening ❤
2 thoughts on “Trials”
I resonate with a lot of things you wrote here which makes me think we are quite similar in personality! While I now live with my boyfriend full time (thankfully), we did spend some time in the past in a long distance relationship and it can be so emotionally and physically exhausting to be away from the one you love, especially when you are not accustomed to it! I hope that you and Michael will soon be able to spend more time together!
That’s so sweet of you! Thank you so much ❤ Good to know someone else relates to what I said!